Social network statuses. What is status in social networks or chat

Beautiful strangers are beautiful while strangers

It's a shame when you get a new iPhone, and your friends think "you sucked it." No one knows that you actually took it on credit, and there’s still more to come...

He was, as usual, graceful, courageous and damn charming. In a word, drunk.

If you can't repair something with tape, you don't have enough tape.

My wife treats me like a god - she remembers me when she needs something.

They say things will be fine soon. They don’t say who will feel good soon.

It infuriates me when I come up with a witty, caustic response, but the argument happened two weeks ago.

How to explain to a dog that the apartment is already ours and there is no need to mark it?

After all, no one is surprised by the name Rosa Lvovna...And how wild Lilac Krokodilovna sounds!

Research shows that 80 percent of the population suffers from depression, and the remaining 20 are caused by it.

And in our village there are only two entertainments, and both are already asleep...

I decided to gather my thoughts... Not a single thought came to the meeting.

My insomnia sponsor is crap in my head. Shit in my head is always with me.

Think of a two-digit number from 40 to 80. Multiply by 3. Subtract 11. Add 17, divide by 2 and close your eyes. It's dark, isn't it?

Do you also twitch when you start to fall asleep, like you tripped or fell somewhere?

As a child, did you also run around apartments, ring the bell... and run away?

Has anyone tried at least once not to step on cracks in the asphalt or on the joints of tiles on the sidewalks??))

Do you also start pressing the remote control buttons harder when it runs out of batteries?

It happens to you when you leave home, first you put on your shoes, and then you run around the house with your shoes on and turn off the lights.

We are all like that. He smiled at you, and you are already thinking about what to name your child.

Am I the only one who can get up at least at 5 am on the weekend, but on weekdays I can barely open my eyes???))

Who has critical days twice a year? Among the students.

What's the difference between medicine and beer? Medicine is first prescribed and then drunk, and beer is first drunk and then prescribed.

Who is a "nerd"? This is a bun rolling along the road. Ass, Mouth, Ass, Mouth...

The world's kindest ghost with a motor? Zaporozhets

Small, wrinkled, every woman has it. Highlight

What is blue gold? My dear wife got drunk.

Millions of people do THIS at night. What is this? Internet

I have established that all men swim and women swim because men wear swimming trunks and women wear swimsuits.

It has been noticed that men's shirts look better on women. Especially in the morning.

When a woman washes the floor, she believes that it will become cleaner, and when a man washes, she believes that the floor will soon end.

According to statistics, those who mixed beer and vodka in the 9th grade are mixing concrete after the 11th grade.

The law of meanness: no matter what direction you go, rain or snow will always fall in your face!

The next line always moves faster...

The less you think, the more people want to join you!

Depending on the intonation, one swear word from car mechanic Ivanov can mean up to 70 different parts and devices.

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A woman's desire is law as long as a man's desire is a woman's.

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A smile allows you to say 50% more nasty things than usual =)

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Everyone reading this status is holding a mouse in their hands;)

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- The stork brought me... - They downloaded me from the Internet... - And our family is poor. Dad does everything himself.

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If you looked in the mirror but didn’t find anyone there, you are irresistible!

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Our heifers produce up to 30 liters of milk per day! - Ours also give. The only problem is with milk...

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My mother-in-law went to a snake exhibition yesterday. - And what? - She returned with a medal.

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I feel like Cinderella...I’ll come after twelve and get a pumpkin.

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- Do you want new thrills? Lick the cactus! Social network statuses

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All the girl’s fears and concerns can be found in the history of her search queries on Google.

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You're standing near the entrance, someone asks... - Are you standing? - No, I'm flying.

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- Hey, what are you talking about?! -I bring happiness to people!

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- You will be my right hand! - Yeah! I saw what you were doing with your right hand. Thank you.

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An epidemic of statuses and quotes has begun on VKontakte.

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I really want to tell someone: “I love you!”... that’s it, I went to the mirror...

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Here's the globe for you! Go in peace!

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Have you been called an angel? Or maybe you're just a miracle in feathers?

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It's a rare girl who doesn't dream of meeting the Prince and making him a beggar.

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Bye-bye-bye, don't write me bullshit...))

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Read books - some of them are written specifically for this!

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If a person is happy for more than one day, it means they are hiding something from him.

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Stupid things happen by accident, and then become the best moments in life.

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When I wake up, it’s morning! Social network statuses

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Love is war... easy to start... hard to end... impossible to forget...

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Don't be shy. Visit my page. Be curious about how I'm doing. Admire it. Remember. Miss you. Dream.

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If you read this status, it means you are not lazy)

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A friend called me and said: “Come tonight, no one will be home.” I came... No one was home...

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Take criticism from others with
middle finger raised proudly!

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I set a song on the alarm clock, with a curse word at the 30th second... Now I wake up faster, otherwise mom and dad will be put to sleep forever...

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A real man will always let a girl go first...to see what she looks like from behind!))

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How brave and self-confident becomes one who gains the conviction that he is loved.

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I have changed, am changing and will change my life for the better...!!!

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It's good when the physical teacher is a man. He sincerely believes that our periods really go on for months!))

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There are two opinions - mine and the wrong one!

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My conscience is so pure and transparent that it is almost invisible.

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People don't change, you just get to know them better over the years.

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You always believe in the tears of a child. And it’s impossible to refuse the eyes of a child...

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The most useful thing in life is your own experience. Social network statuses

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What we think cannot be expressed in words, no matter how hard we try.

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Mom is beautiful, dad is too, I wonder who I am so smart?!

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I am the one who was born under a lucky star...

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Beautiful is not when everything is perfect, but when the imperfect is put together perfectly...

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Good conversation shortens the working day.

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The right paths lead to the right goal...

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Lower your self-esteem. You don't match.

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I have the most important task in the house... I make sure that the sweets do not spoil.

Social network statuses

What is status?

Each status posted by a person in any social network or chat can indicate the following: the physical state of a certain person, the type of employment of a person at the moment, a definition of the emotional or mental state of the person, the position of this person in society, etc.

Previously, the status looked like a specific picture, and not a text message: it was used in programs such as QIP, ICQ, MSN (The Microsoft Network) to indicate one’s status at the current moment.

Today, the concept of statute has acquired a different meaning and is very widely used in such social networks as: VKontakte, Odnoklassniki, Facebook and others. is a kind of special text message that each user places in a special window, voluntarily. This posted message can be seen by all visitors and all your friends who are in your contacts.

Why do you need status?

Using status, every registered user of a social network can easily notify all their friends about any event. For example, you have an exam soon or a date with your loved one. You set your status: “Exam coming soon! Support me morally! Good luck to me!” or “Today I’m going to meet the girl/guy of my dreams!” The status you post will immediately appear in the news of your friends and subscribers and they will already know about what you will do or have done.

Today there are already a huge number of sites with excellent collections of various statuses on a wide variety of topics. Everyone has the opportunity to select and set a status depending on their mood or their actions. Collections of statuses on such sites are constantly updated; users or administration constantly delight their visitors with more and more new statements!

It’s very easy to change any status to a new one, you just have to invent it or find it. By changing your status, you can not only please someone you know, but also offend them; think before you write any status.

With the help, you can easily and beautifully confess your feelings to someone. With the help of cool jokes, you can easily cheer up yourself or your friends on a social network. With the help of status, anyone can change others' opinions about him. The main thing is that they don’t think badly of you because of some statements.

Write funny statuses, confess your love, philosophize, etc.! I wish you beautiful statuses and loyal, good friends!

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Introducing a new selection of funny statuses for social networks. Cheer yourself and your loved ones up by putting original and funny status!

For your convenience, statuses are divided into statuses for women And statuses for men.

Funny statuses for women

Every woman has the right to wake up her husband at three in the morning to ask if he loves her. And if he loves, then let him bring him something to drink.

Urgently!!! I'm looking for relatives in Thailand, Egypt, maybe the Maldives... I miss you, I don't have the strength!!!

I, a very greedy girl, went to throw out the trash and came back with two bags.

I ran away from the maniac so quickly that already on the second lap I caught up with him and attacked him from behind.

To hell with them, these 90-60-90... no beard is already a plus!

I met a dog handler here... well, such an attentive man... he scratched me behind the ear all night...

I poured some cognac, thought of a sandwich - I opened a page on Odnoklassniki, and there was a guest... People have a sense of smell...

I watch my figure... She goes to the refrigerator at night.

It’s a shame when you’re sitting with a guy and he puts his hands under your jacket, and your tights are pulled up to your bra.

I feel like CINDERELLA... I’ll come after 12 and I’ll get a pumpkin...¦

I manage to give people advice when everything is going wrong for me...

Take care of men! They are suffering! Sometimes it’s a lack of attention, sometimes it’s too much, and most often it’s BULLSHIT!!!

This morning, while I was putting on makeup, I fainted 5 times from my beauty...

If you want to know what your friends think about your husband, say that he turned out to be a scumbag and you are getting a divorce.

At work, wild thoughts come to me: “When I get home, I’ll do the cleaning, bake pies, iron my husband’s shirts...” I came, ate, opened Odnoklassniki... well, thank God, I let go with some heroic deeds!

The only person for whom you are always THIN and HUNGRY is grandma!!!

I don’t know about you, but personally I don’t believe in the existence of people who have never washed their feet in the sink!

I love updating photos. Everyone immediately comes to visit, looks, worries... has she become fat... has she cracked with happiness...

If you have gained 5 kg again in a week, then this diet was recommended to you by your best friend.

All! I turned off the computer, went to bed... yeah, of course... I went to Odnoklassniki from my phone.

Funny statuses for men

Today I have a musical attitude towards life...I don’t care about everything!

Enlargement of breasts, lips, buttocks. No surgery. INEXPENSIVE. Beekeeper Kuzya.

When I got married, I thought she would cook like her mother, but she drinks like her father!

Yesterday I freaked out and left home, remembered that I live alone, and returned.

While you are breaking down... they confess their love to her, offer to meet her, find out her phone number... and you break down, break down further.

Why can I never read this phrase correctly the first time - “I sent it to you”???

I just realized that the rings on the roofs of wedding cars look like a surprised emoji O_o

All normal people are looking for love, their place in life, and I, damn it, am the second sock...

You will never learn the truth from a woman! First they have a girl's memory, then women's secrets, then senile insanity...

Wow! My friends, where do you have so many classmates?! Did you finish school in China?

Do you want to admire the mysterious smile of Mona Lisa? Ask your wife where she puts your salary.

It infuriates me when they write: “Give me a CLASS, give me a CLASS”: I just want to answer: - shouldn’t I give you cancer?

The moderator who banned my wife from Odnoklassniki. Answer me - I'm off the hook!

You are cheerful? Sociable? Self-assured? Are you admired? Are you respected? Congratulations, you got drunk!

First, the nannies and creches are to blame. Then - teachers and kindergarten. Then family and school. Next, management and work are to blame. Next - wife and children...

And the MAN himself is never to blame for anything!

Being a boy is a matter of gender. Being a man is a matter of age. Being a gentleman is a matter of choice. Being an asshole is not a question at all.

“We make billions from the show-off of young people” © Apple

Every time I start to walk towards success, I stumble somewhere between the laptop and the sofa.

A man does 90% of what he promised to do... A woman does 90% of what she promised NOT TO DO EVER IN YOUR LIFE.

Status is not only your social position in society, but also a laconic statement that describes your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Statuses can be sad, happy, positive, about love, friendship, betrayal, etc. We share our statuses with friends on social networks. To cheer everyone up (including yourself), you can select positive options and post them on your page.

The most positive statuses: examples

• A real alcoholic drinks once a day - from morning to evening.
• Sign in the student canteen: Do not feed cutlets to cats, two unfortunate creatures have already been poisoned!
• The secret of happiness: never compare your health, wife and salary with others.
• The kiss was invented by a man to silence a woman, at least for a minute.
• If a fool is decently dressed, is always well-fed and smiles at life, then he is not so stupid.
• There are no dead ends. There are unbroken tunnels.
• There are three troubles in Russia: fools, roads, and the fools who make these roads.
• If time is running out for you, don't worry. Simply remove the battery from your watch and enjoy life.
• What makes a good day is not the date or the weather, but the people.
• If life fails, accept it as a new design; and, taking this opportunity, change the interior and change the atmosphere.
• Positive thinking is when you fell down the stairs and you think: Wow... How quickly I went down!
• Look at life through the windshield, not the rearview mirror.
• A bald spot is a clearing trampled by thoughts.
• If people constantly laugh at you, it means you bring joy to people.

Statuses for social networks: positive and funny

• Let go of all the idiots and fools from your life, the circus must tour!
• Sometimes a smile makes us forget about our problems, sometimes a smile works wonders, it decorates our world. Never stop smiling, even when you are sad, because someone might fall in love with your smile!
• The stars can be seen better through the slid down roof.
• Some mistakes in life are too great to make just once!
• Never despair in life. One person drew a square and called it a picture. Happened. So you will succeed!
• If you get up on your left foot in the morning, then the day will go well. If it's on the right, even better. And if you can’t get up at all, then it was good yesterday.
• Life is like a mirror, we get better results when we smile at it.
• For Russians, signs: Swimming is PROHIBITED!, Don’t get in - YOU WILL KILL!, DO NOT TOUCH with your hands! - it's a challenge!.
• Well, they were rude to you in the supermarket - don’t worry. Place frozen fish in the bread section.
• Save your statuses - they will help the psychiatrist with a diagnosis.
• Life is boring and monotonous. But everything changes when they arrive... Money on the card!
• That's why lemonade is made from artificial lemon juice, and detergents are made from natural lemon juice?
• Look at life more cheerfully: after stepping on a rake, enjoy the fireworks.
• The sun is shining, the cat is purring, the coffee is brewing, a new day awaits us!

Positive statuses are the key to a good mood. With their help, you can diversify your page on social networks, have fun with your friends and yourself at the same time. Such statuses can be easily found on the Internet, and if you wish, you can come up with them yourself. Have fun, joke and try to be as sad as possible!